I think I am pregnant and my partner and I are unsure what to do. I am considering abortion, but am not 100% sure but he seems pretty set on it. What should we do?
What is most important when considering abortion is knowing your options. A lab-quality pregnancy test can confirm for sure if you are pregnant. An ultrasound can determine how far along you are, what abortion procedures you’d even be eligible for (and their costs!), or if your pregnancy is even viable. We offer these services for free during our pre-abortion appointment.
In most cases, you have time to decide! In Kentucky, you can take the abortion pill up to 10 weeks pregnant. So if you just missed your period, that is upwards of a month later! Surgical abortion can be performed up to 24 weeks. If he wants an abortion, this gives you, and your significant other, time to consider the facts and decide what is best for you. Often, emotions are high when pregnancy news is fresh but when given time to consider the reality of the situation, many women and men find themselves with more clarity about their decision.
Ask him why he wants an abortion. Does he not feel ready? Is he not sure he is the father? Are their financial concerns? Is he unsure about your relationship? Are these concerns something that could be remedied with adoption, affordable childcare, paternity testing, etc? Often many initial concerns can be overcome if you are less sure about abortion than he is.
Even if your partner insists he wants an abortion, they may leave the ultimate choice up to you and be supportive either way. And if they refuse to be supportive if you do not choose abortion, there are legal resources and options we can help walk you through. Remember, many women who have had an abortion for the sake of their relationship, find the relationship ended in the long run.
According to the Deberver Institute for Bioethics and Social research, anywhere from 40 to 75 percent of relationships end after an abortion decision. Women are often manipulated or coerced into abortion which leads to resentment and anger. All of that to say, if you are not sure about abortion, do not have one solely for the sake of your partner.
Your other two options would be to parent your child, or make an adoption plan. There are ample resources available to parents: financial assistance for daycare, healthcare for the baby, and even Clarity’s own program, Aspire, which provides parenting classes and material resources until your child is a year old. Adoption is also a great choice to discuss with your partner. In modern adoption, you can both choose the adoptive family and type of adoption you want.
What happens if you decide to parent your child and he is still unsupportive? Regardless of his support of your decision, the father is legally responsible for child support payments.
Ultimately, by law, the decision of whether or not to terminate is up to you. The best thing to do is schedule an appointment so you know for sure what your abortion options are and any alternatives you may be interested in learning about. Once you have the facts, you can have an educated discussion with your partner about their reservations, your concerns, and the decision.