Women + Porn pt. 2

By September 20, 2018Food for thought, Info, Relationships, Sex

Copy of twitter (1)

We know porn is an issue with guys. And men’s porn usage affects women (see part 1 here). But did you know 1 out of 3 porn users are women*?

Yup. Women are using porn nearly as much as men. And there is little difference in the way the genders become hooked, because the same pattern of exposure, addiction, and desensitization to increasingly hardcore images is the same. And though women become addicted to porn through the same brain re-wiring as men, there are some distinctives to female porn use. Let’s look at four:

    1. Women watch porn solo.

      In a study specifically designed around female porn users, only 12% of those women reported they watched porn with a partner.* The author of the study said that a woman’s “relationship to porn is mostly about [her] – [her] sexuality unencumbered by a partner.” Though women want to get the same satisfaction they would get with a sexual encounter with a man, they are trying to do so by themselves. These women are essentially saying “why mess with the time and effort of a relationship when I can still have the sexual gratification without it?” However, understanding this first point makes the next difference even more interesting…

    2. Women like plots.

      Though women are viewing porn by themselves, unlike men, they are more attracted to the ‘deeper’ plot lines with characters instead of simply viewing the physical act. This is interesting, because though on the surface women say they desire to be totally self-sufficient sexually without a man, their eyes and brains are craving a semblance of a relationship to have better satisfaction in that solo sexual experience. But is this really that surprising? From my perspective and countless women I’ve talked to, sex is a physical expression of an emotional relationship between two people who are committed to and love each other. Therefore, it’s better in committed relationships. When it’s anything less than that, it doesn’t satisfy us the same way that committed sex likely would. So the fact that women like more “plots”, more “details” of the relationship, seems pretty obvious.

    3. Women feel more guilty than men.

      On websites dedicated to helping women recover from porn addiction like The Guardian, women express shame and loneliness. Porn addiction is seen as a man’s problem, so women don’t want to confess their porn use when it gets out of hand. “There’s a real sense among women and it’s bad, dirty, wrong and they’re often unable to get beyond that.” said Jason Dean, founder and counselor of Quit Porn Addiction. We act so liberated, and say it’s hip to enjoy watching sex, but porn addiction is a real thing, and women tend to suffer in silence when it starts getting out of control.

    4. Women can’t reconcile their porn use with their dislike of seeing women used as sex objects.

      Women who become regular porn users can suffer from depression and anxiety because they find it hard when their bodies respond sexually to something that degrades and uses women as sex objects. Caroline, a recovering porn addict, said about her porn use, “Afterwards I just hated myself for giving in and getting off on images that treated women like pieces of meat.” As we’ve said, porn promotes all kinds of warped ideas about women and how they can be treated. When these female users stop and think about it, they are conflicted with what they’re doing and seeing on the screen, since 88% of all porn involves some form of female degradation.

Though women are using porn like their male counterparts, it’s affecting us (see #3 and #4 above), our relationships, and our world in harmful ways.

our relationships

When porn is in used within a relationship, there are:

  • More commonly reported instances of physical violence, verbal abuse, and unwanted sexual acts in the relationship
  • Higher rates of anxiety and depression
  • More frequent break-ups

Given this laundry list, it’s safe to say that relationships are better without the use of porn! You deserve to experience sex within a committed and loving relationship without the screen.

our world

Have you ever taken the time to wonder how the porn even gets on the internet for consumption? Human/sex trafficking is an awful epidemic that we all can agree is evil. But did you know that it is reported that half of all sex trafficked victims have been forced to make porn? In fact, porn production may be the leading cause of human trafficking in the US.* So though female porn users may be saying “This is an innocent thing. No one is getting harmed by my doing this,” they are wrong. The consumption of porn directly fuels the victimization of women and girls who are coerced into sex slavery. What women may see as their sexual liberation is indeed the sexual victimization of her female counterpart behind the camera.


You owe it to yourself to save your sexual experiences for ones that are loving and respectful in the context of a committed relationship, like marriage. You, and females the world over, deserve better than cheap, mass-produced sex.

Beryl (1)

Sources:

  • “Current Pornography Statistics – A Brief Internet Review,” http://www.familysafemedia.cpm/pornography_statistics.html
  • Bridges, A.J., Wosnitzer, R., Scharrer, E., Chyng, S., and Liberman, R. (2010). Agression and Sexual behavior in Best Selling Pornography Videos: A Content Analysis Update. Violence Against Women 16, 10: 1065-1085.
  • Kevin Skinner Ph.D, How Porn Affects Relationships (2014) https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/inside-porn-addiction/201408/how-porn-really-affects-relationships
  • Farley, M. (2007).
  • https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2011/apr/07/women-addicted-internet-pornography
  • https://www.dailydot.com/do-women-watch-porn/

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