It’s Valentine’s week and somehow I have been commissioned to write on healthy relationships which is comical because I am very under-qualified in this area. To be honest, the only healthy relationship I’ve been in is the one I’m in now, with my husband Jeff. Every other one I’ve had has been some variation of a raging dumpster fire. So…THERE IS HOPE THIS VALENTINE’S DAY. PROMISE. And it’s the perfect time to examine your relationship to see if it’s one that will stand the test of time.
S A M E P A G E // See yourself married in a few years? Make sure he does too. You want to take things slow but he seems eager to get more serious? Talk about it sooner rather than later.
P R O D U C T I V E F I G H T I N G // Surprise! Fighting isn’t always bad- it can be good as long as the conversation ends in a different place than when you started. This is productive fighting. Now the same fights over and over…that’s a different story.
M A T U R I T Y // They don’t have to have the wisdom of a 90 year old, but they should embrace responsibility, make an effort with your friends/family, and be okay with not always getting their way.
R E L A T I O N S H I P L O O P // Are you jumping from one relationship to the next? Maybe a six month season of singleness is just what you need to reevaluate what you want out of a relationship.
T R U S T // Relationships should bring some form of happiness and stability. So if you find yourself constantly insecure and wondering what he is thinking, maybe there’s a trust issue. DATES // Okay. **Opinion Alert** If you have been together (talking, texting, whatever) for over a month and haven’t been on a date, red flag. It’s not about a full-blown candlelight dinner, it’s about being intentional to communicate and pursue each other.
S E L F I S H // If they are never wrong or are never willing to inconvenience themselves for something important to you… bright red flag.
E X P A N D Y O U R H O R I Z O N S // Dating duds or single? Be more open-minded when someone asks you out that fits the qualities above. They may not be your “type”, but they may just be what you want (and don’t realize yet!).
D T R // Define the relationship people + vocalize your expectations.
E X P E C T M O R E F O R Y O U R S E L F // If you’re treating him differently than your other guy friends but insist you aren’t dating, then don’t give him dating privileges (your constant texts, effort, Friday nights, and mental capacity). Attention is fun…real fun…BUT it’s temporary.
If they…or you…have bad character just step away. Relationships with ongoing patterns of the bad stuff ^ will likely always be chaotic. I will admit, the moments where you are actually on the same page are so exciting and sweet. But some good moments scattered throughout the entirety of a relationship doesn’t make it a good relationship. Even if you two do make it, you’ll likely be unhappy.
C L I N G Y // If you get the vibe that if you confront her about an issue or break things off that it would rock her entire world… red flag. I am sure you are awesome, but no matter how great you are, you can’t always be the sole source of her stability.
C O N F I D E N C E // She doesn’t have to be outgoing or flashy, but she should have a life, priorities, and steadiness of her own. As men, we love feeling needed, but a woman who can hold her own, communicate her thoughts well, and knows what her values are…she could be the one.
EVIDENCE, Proof (!) of my one and only stable relationship.
This Valentine’s Day, stop and think about what is really important to you in a relationship and ask yourself if that is happening. If not, don’t be afraid to go it alone. Because stable, healthy relationships with romance and excitement can happen. Trade in your dumpster fire for something sweeter…it will be worth the wait. ❤️️
Signed, your not-so-savvy relationship “expert”.