Sometimes I laugh when I have to write these posts because I am comically under-qualified to write about “healthy” romantic relationships. To be honest, the only one I’ve been in is the one I’m in now, with my husband Jeff. Every other relationship I’ve had has been some variation of a raging dumpster fire. SO, learn from the girl who had the cringy-est (is that even a word?) dating habits but
finally thankfully was able to redeem it with a relationship that certainly has issues at time, but is an overwhelming pattern of goodness.
AKA: THERE IS HOPE THIS VALENTINE’S DAY. PROMISE. Use the holiday to intentionally think about your relationship in a realistic, productive way (because a Noah Calhoun clone ain’t normal).
S A M E P A G E // See yourself married in a few years? Make sure he does too. You want to take things slow but he seems eager to get more serious? Vocalize it.
P R O D U C T I V E F I G H T I N G // Fighting isn’t always bad- it can be productive as long as the conversation ends in a different place than when you started. Now the same fights over and over…that’s a different story.
M A T U R I T Y // They don’t have to have the wisdom of Nostradamus, but they should embrace responsibility, make an effort with your friends/family, and be okay with not always getting their way.
R E L A T I O N S H I P L O O P // Are you jumping from one relationship to the next? Maybe a six month season of singleness is just what you need to focus on you and what you want out of a relationship.
T R U S T // Relationships should bring some form of happiness and stability. So if you find yourself constantly insecure and wondering what he is thinking, maybe it’s time to move on. DATES // Okay. **Opinion Alert** If you have been together, talking, texting, whatever for over a month and haven’t been on a date, red flag. It’s not about candlelight dinner and social norms, it’s about being intentional to communicate and pursue each other. Lack of intentionality may not annoy you now, but eventually it will.
S E L F I S H // They insist on their way or are never willing to inconvenience themselves for something important to you… bright red flag.
G H O S T // If you ghost people, stahp.
E X P A N D Y O U R H O R I Z O N S // Be more open-minded when someone asks you out that fits the qualities above. Sometimes what we are looking for is the opposite of what we truly want (not that I’ve had experience with this or anything… 😬).
D T R // Set expectations. Talk. And for goodness sake, DTR
E X P E C T M O R E F O R Y O U R S E L F// If you treat him differently than your other guy friends but insist you aren’t dating, then don’t give him dating privileges (your constant texts, effort, Friday nights, and mental capacity) if you’re single and want something more.
If they…or you…have bad character just step away. Relationships with ongoing patterns of the bad stuff ^ will likely always be chaotic. I will admit, moments where you are actually on the same page are so exciting and sweet. But some good moments scattered throughout the entirety of the relationship doesn’t make it a good relationship. Even if you two do make it, you’ll likely be unhappy.
C L I N G Y // If you get the vibe that if you talk to her about an issue or break things off that it will rock her entire world… red flag. I am sure you are awesome, but no matter how great you are, you can’t always be the sole source of someone’s stability.
C O N F I D E N C E // She doesn’t have to be outgoing or flashy, but she should have a life, priorities, and steadiness of her own. Who doesn’t love feeling needed, especially at the start of a relationship? But a woman who can hold her own, communicate without fear, and knows what values are important to her…you could be in it with her for the long haul.
EVIDENCE, Proof (!) of my one and only stable relationship.
This Valentine’s Day, stop and think about what is really important to you in a relationship and ask yourself if that is happening. If not, don’t be afraid to go it alone. Because stable, healthy relationships with romance and excitement can happen. Trade in your dumpster fire for something sweeter…it will be worth the wait. ❤️️
Signed, your not-so-savvy relationship “expert” 😂.